Women do sex to get relationships, men do relationships to get sex.
You’ve probably heard that saying… and when asked what do men want, the most common response is sex. When asked what do women want, the most common response is love.
More women than men have decided that sex equals love from the popular belief that sex should be saved for marriage – meaning that it only occurs in the confines of a loving relationship – implying that it equals love.
We also see it in movies, we read it in books, and we hear it in fairy tales.
Women often require feelings and emotions to have sex, whereas men can have sex as though they’re watching a football game.
Are sex and love one and the same, or two entirely different things?
Sex is the engagement of sexual intercourse – the putting of body parts together. It is a biological event that occurs among all species. There are many different ways to have sex and it doesn’t always have to be between two heterosexual partners.
Love is a feeling of passionate affection toward another. Love has many meanings… you can say, “I love food,” which is not the same “I love you” that you would say to a lover. We often don’t even know what ‘love’ is because we were taught the concept of love from people who couldn’t even love themselves.
If we don’t love ourselves, we don’t know how to love. So what do we do? Get in relationships expecting our partner to give us the love that we’re missing.
This is where jealousy sets in.
If you don’t love you, and the only love you know is the love you expect to receive from your partner, which you’ve also decided is shown through the act of sex, being desired, and flirted with, then the moment your partner acknowledges another human being as being beautiful or flirts with someone else, you feel this emotion called jealousy.
Jealousy and insecurity can only exist when you don’t love you – it creates a dependency on someone else to love you entirely, and the moment their attention is given to someone else, you feel like you’ve lost them or you’re not good enough (which indirectly means they don’t love you.)
Then when the sex dies, the lust wears off, the passion flame burns out, you feel at a loss for love. You feel empty. You’re unhappy.
Not loving you bears many other consequences as well – fear, anxiety, judgment, feelings of not good enough, and an unwillingness to be vulnerable – all of which inhibit your orgasmic potential.
Now, sex does not mean love, it does not equate to love, nor is it love – but it can indeed enhance the love you feel for yourself and your partner.
Through the act of sex, a few things happen…
Oxytocin in women skyrockets – creating feelings of trust, bonding, connection, and emotional attachment. This is why women become much more attached to their sexual partners than men do.
Dopamine soars in both men and women, making the activity pleasurable and addictive.
30 different parts of the female brain are activated during sex, affecting areas responsible for emotion, touch, pleasure, joy, satisfaction, memory, satiation, temperature, hunger, thirst, and tiredness.
The electromagnetic field of a woman’s heart has the capacity to open a man’s heart and guide him down the pathway of love, as discussed more in my decoding men in the bedroom and decoding women in the bedroom courses.
So all in all, sex can increase feelings of love and affection, but it does not dictate love.